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What to do when your attendants turn into ‘Bridesmaid-zillas’
Week of May 12th 2008

When you found out you were going to get married, you were quite an excited gal. You wanted it to be a fun and happy occasion and vowed to never turn into an angry, evil ‘Bride-zilla’. Now you’ve found that since your announcement to your family and friends, your big day is starting to look more like My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding. Everyone wants to control your big day except the most important people, the bride and groom.

You could have a case of “Bridesmaid-zilla’ on your hands, a new phenomenon at weddings. This ‘zilla’ can be even more dangerous than the Bride because she’s angry that she’s still not married and so lives her dream wedding through her friend. This is not just limited to bridesmaids, mothers of the bride can be just as bad. It can sometimes drive a bride and groom to keep their engagement secret up until they send out the invites; just to avoid the drama of their friends and family looking to get a piece of the pie.

The best thing to do in the situation of pushy attendants is to choose wisely. Don’t take bridesmaids that expect and voice their ‘vision’ of your big day openly (yes, even if it is your sister). Choose someone else that won’t try and take the spotlight away from you and be your helper. One friend of mine made the mistake of having her cousin be her maid of honor at her wedding. Her cousin had voiced how she was going to be the maid of honor, even before she was asked. Needless to say, she tried to call all the shots, was never around when work needed to be done and offended the Bride at the reception by talking all about herself during her ‘toast to the bride’.

In the case of a pushy mother, hiding it only works for so long. You may initially want to keep the engagement a secret, but you will eventually have to tell her. If she begins to butt in, firmly and calmly tell her that this is YOUR big day, not hers. You have your own vision of what you want. She may feel upset or offended, but let her know you value her opinion and offer to have her go to different places with you and help you with other details she’ll be more fit for. Keep in mind she just wants to help and wants to see you happy.

The best thing to remember for your wedding is that it is a happy day for everyone to come together to celebrate. It is also your day, not your friends and family’s. Analyze what people say and how they act to see if their intentions are leaning towards “bridesmaid-zilla” or true friend looking out for your best interests. Compromise and understanding are also great ways to work out any problems you may have with an aggressive friend or family member.

Check back next week for another great tip for your wedding!