Two cultures, one love

By Kia Shante Breaux,
Scripps Howard News Service

CHICAGO — Melanie Coffee and her beau made a vow early in their relationship to dance inside a gazebo every time they ran across one.

The tradition started with an impromptu whirl inside a gazebo at a quaint bed and breakfast in rural Missouri. So it was only fitting they danced inside a gazebo the night Jorgen Hesselberg asked Coffee to be his wife two years later.

The couple's journey on a life together began nearly five years ago when both were journalism students at the University of Missouri-Columbia — he in broadcast journalism, she in print journalism. As a beginning journalism student, Coffee was assigned to "shadow" Hesselberg for a while.

"It felt right from the moment I first saw her," Hesselberg, 29, said of his relationship with Coffee.

The two became friends, and their companionship blossomed into love. The couple started dating Feb. 10, 1998, and has celebrated every "10th" of the month since. They were engaged on Feb. 10, 2000, and married this past Aug. 10.

"Melanie and Jorgen's wedding was the wonderful union of two families from two very different cultures," said Fran Coffee, the bride's mother. "We were all so proud and happy."

Coffee, 25, of Manhattan, Kan., is a black American, and Hesselberg is Norwegian. It was important to them to incorporate both cultures in the celebration.

"We felt it was our day and we could write the rules, so we did," Coffee said.

About 120 people attended the wedding, which was held at a historic black American church in suburban Chicago and officiated by the Rev. Tony Cobbins of Canaan Baptist Church in Kansas City. The couple recited traditional wedding vows.

Hesselberg's mother, Gry, gave away her son, which is a Norwegian wedding tradition. "That was important for me to have that in the wedding because I thought 'Here was this mom who had probably dreamed about the day she'd give her son away, and because he decided to marry an American, that wouldn't happen,"' Coffee said. "His mom ... never said anything about it, but it was a gesture that I did because I thought it would mean a lot to her."

Songs performed at the wedding included "At Last" by Etta James, "Ave Maria" and "The Lord's Prayer." And Hesselberg's sister Toril read a Norwegian poem, in Norwegian.

A friend of Coffee's made the broom the couple jumped over in the wedding ceremony. Jumping the broom at a wedding is a long-held African-American tradition.

Nearly 30 Norwegians attended the wedding. For many of them, it was their first trip to America.

The wedding colors were navy blue and cream.

"We chose those colors for several reasons," Coffee said. "It was navy blue because Jorgen likes blue, and cream because white roses have a special meaning to us."

Also, Hesselberg wore his traditional Norwegian garb — a "bunad," which happened to be navy blue and cream.

Norwegians wear bunads to special celebrations, such as weddings. They also don them to celebrate their Independence Day and at holiday parties. Bunads are handmade, and their intricate design dates back to the 19th century.

Hesselberg's bunad has pants that end just below his knees, white socks that cover his calves, a navy blue pin-striped vest and a cream 3/4-length topcoat.

"I always say he looks like a Norwegian prince in it," Coffee gushed.

All of the groomsmen wore bunads, and all of the Norwegian guests who had bunads were asked to wear them at the wedding. The bunads were in various colors. Even Coffee's nephew, who is American, wore a bunad as a junior groomsman.

Coffee, who estimates she tried on more than 50 dresses over several months of shopping, settled on an ivory satin dress with a princess cut and beaded spaghetti straps. The embroidery and beads on the bodice combined to make a subtle floral print, and that design was duplicated along the trim of the dress.

"I never imagined myself in one of those," Coffee said of the cathedral veil. "but I tried it on a whim at the store and fell in love with the fairytale-like appearance."

She also wore a tiara.

At a country club reception, each place card on the tables was decorated with a miniature three-dimensional satin rose made by Coffee and Hesselberg.

Seating was arranged by named tables rather than by numbers. The names — seven each American and Norwegian — reflected important symbols in these cultures. American names included Old Glory, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mount Rushmore and Apple Pie. Norwegian names were Lutefisk, a traditional Norwegian meal eaten during the Christmas season; Slalom, because skiing was invented in Norway; Syttende Mai, which is Norwegian for the 17th of May, Norwegian Independence Day; and Edvard Munch, the Norwegian artist who painted "The Scream."

"We made the table signs with navy blue bows tied on them and we made little cards to sit on the tables that had the definition of the table name so that people would come away from our wedding knowing a little bit more about the other culture," Coffee explained.

The menu, which was written in English and Norwegian, included chicken anglaise, sirloin of beef, roasted turkey and stuffing and assorted salads and vegetables. Norwegian cheese and chocolates also were served.

Norwegian traditions at the reception included passing around a rolling pin during dinner for guests to sign as a keepsake for the couple. They also had a "toastmaster," someone who coordinates the dozens of speeches given during dinner at Norwegian wedding receptions.

Coffee, who received help from one of the groomsmen, gave a speech, partly in Norwegian, to her new husband. The gesture moved many in the crowd to tears.

"It was the most unique and beautiful wedding I have ever seen," said Nekeisha Williams, Coffee's maid of honor. "At Melanie and Jorgen's wedding, we were able to see more than just two people getting married, we witnessed the union of two cultures, two languages, two traditions and one love."

Fran Coffee said she's always liked how Jorgen treats her daughter like a "princess." She said she knew early on that their relationship might be something special by the way Melanie looked and sounded when she talked about Hesselberg.

"I believe that Melanie and Jorgen have laid a good foundation for a wonderful relationship together," Fran Coffee said.

Coffee used a wedding coordinator for planning most of her wedding and reception. She got a few floral ideas from a Martha Stewart magazine, but she and Hesselberg came up with most of the decorating ideas themselves to add that special touch.

The bride made the wedding programs herself using her home computer. Details about the wedding were posted on their wedding Web site — http://www.Hesselberg.org.

The newlyweds have just a couple of disappointments about planning their special day. One was their choice of disk jockey for the reception. They had labored to compile a song list that would cater to both cultures, only for the DJ to venture from the list midway through the reception.

Another was the faux pas on the printed directions to the church, causing some guests to be late. "I should have proofread the directions better," Coffee admits.

On their wedding night, the couple stayed in a suite at a hotel along Michigan Avenue. And on their way to the hotel, they passed a gazebo on the Magnificent Mile.

"So naturally we got out and danced," Coffee said.